August 26, 2015

I remember what it felt like laughing (FOR REAL) again, after 9 months of stoic deadness. 

I remember shedding a tear too, even if I still couldn't even cry. 

I remember smiling in my heart, and not with a mask, finally.

And that feeling and surreal experience of my 2nd Deliverance, last April of this year...

As well as the whole tumultuous and God-ordained experience at MMRC in Batangas, with CCF Makati, and the #TL4PursuingPassion Retreat.


Words could never be enough to describe what this 20-month journey and more (since 2012 especially) has brought me into.

Darkness? Hopelessness; abandonment from those you've loved the most; losing yourself yet still walking in this world.


And that's aside from loathing everything you'd become from a life you had grown up around: The people, places, events, memories, hard work, sweat, and yes, blood, in working with and for a community you were born into.


With everything from that, and around 95% of its entirety, and the first 18 years of my life, being thrown away to be forgotten; down the drain like nothing but loathed sedimentary and sewage waste.


I hated who I was and could not reconcile the trouble and lostness the whole turn of events had brought me and my family into.


It wasn't about unforgiveness anymore, because my sister and I had learned to do it, last 2012.


It wasn't about disappointments, which many people so thought it was.


It wasn't about the 2nd guy friend I only ever liked, either (eugh wat) ((:
Whom, obviously, a close girl friend of mine liked as well.


I just step away from people, and things, and allow them to move along, and make myself let go of what won't hold me in return; just move forward, plainly spoken.


But it was something else, something real that had brought me into all of this...

You steady my heart.

Everything I need is in You.